Things with bromance escalated quickly. We’ve moved in together. Hence boyfriend no. one is not as happy as before, but he’s decided to stay. Business university is still hard as fuck.
People tell me this is my mid life crisis, but I’m not certain. I know what I want to do, I know who I want to do. Not so much of a crisis there. Yet. I’m just waiting for the zombie apocalypse to start. Any day now. Any day. Two lovers, two apartments, money, feeling ok about life. This can’t be good. It’s just too good. I want it all: please let me have it.
I mean. I have a super solution going in my life. I have one boyfriend and living in a flat we own in Malmö. And I have a bromance and living together with him too, in a flat we own. In another town.
They both like me. They perhaps even both LOVE me. Still I feel insecure. Unsafe. Unwanted. Unloved. Perhaps I wrote this book. I can get boys to like me, but how do I make them stay and love me, sex me up night and day? How the hell do I do that?
Ages ago someone told me one gets wiser with age. One gets more insight and is less confused. Still waiting for that to happen.
I think I might still be confusing love and sex. (Also see post 87). Or perhaps is it that I just don’t know what I want any more. Do I even want more?
Attending and following and most of all: learning at the Business University is more difficult than I expected. It’s hard. It’s remote from where I live. The commuting is killing me. So. A lot of hard work but I’m managing. Spent some nights at the bromance dorm room. The results from the midterm exams are all ok or above “just good”.
Overall confused since I wonder, what is love, what is sex, what is life all about. I’m more physically close to my bromance than my boyfriend. It’s nothing sexual, but it is indeed emotional. I’m flirting with the ladies, with the boys, with the girls, with colleagues, with fellow students, and this stupid test says I’m a fluid heterosexual..